


Feeling Close

by Billygoatsoap



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A little bit of Ron bashing, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Past Sexual Assault, not described, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billygoatsoap/pseuds/Billygoatsoap
Summary: “Hermione?” she took a breath and he knew she heard him. “I don’t want to leave you alone if you don’t want me to, but do you want me to go to the living room?”Her hands shot out quickly and grabbed his arm. “No.” she said quietly, “No, I...I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this."
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 126





	Feeling Close

**Author's Note:**

> Having been sexually assaulted, I find writing fics that can address that and creating scenarios where I would feel safe is healing. Also I think there should be depictions of people talking about sex more! Past sexual assault not at all described, but the current effects are.

They were in her bedroom and he was shrugging off his suit jacket. She was half laying on the bed, propped up on her elbows from where they had just been kissing. 

Watching him in her bedroom, she all of a sudden felt cold, suffocating anxiety in her stomach. She sat up and began fidgeting with her hands. 

Draco was calmly taking his shoes off, but seemed to notice the emotional shift in the room and looked up at her. His brow wrinkled in concern.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked, squatting near her, but not getting any closer. They knew each other well enough to know some of the effects they still suffered from the war. For Hermione, this included panic attacks when she felt trapped. “I don’t--I’m not--I didn’t mean anything by coming into your bedroom. I’m not expecting anything,” he said. 

Truthfully, Draco hadn’t even considered that Hermione might be uncomfortable with him being in her bedroom. But now he was considering it, and watching her look uncomfortable and a bit scared, his mind began whirling. They had only begun dating recently, after years of friendship and some somewhat pathetic pining on Draco’s part. During their friendship, he had often come into her bedroom because it had the only bathroom in her apartment, and had passed out drunk a couple of times on her king sized bed. Looking at her avoiding looking at him, he felt like an arse for not considering how their change in relationship might make this specific dynamic different. 

“Hermione?” she took a breath and he knew she heard him. “I don’t want to leave you alone if you don’t want me to, but do you want me to go to the living room?”

Her hands shot out quickly and grabbed his arm. “No.” she said quietly. “No, I...I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this, but it’s always so embarrassing and this is so new and I don’t want to run you off, but I can’t really not talk about it because of how I am and sometimes I just feel so defective.” 

She spoke so quickly he didn’t entirely follow what she was saying, but understood that she was upset and wanted to talk about something. He wanted her to feel physically and emotionally safe so she could do that. 

Still cautious to move too much closer to her and invade her space he asked quietly, “do you want me to hold you?”

She was looking down at her hands holding his arm and nodded her head. He thought she might have started crying. 

“On the bed?” he asked gently. This bedtime snuggling had become a regular thing for them months before they started dating.

She nodded again, stood up to quickly and efficiently change into something more comfortable and moved back toward the bed. She said, “you can get comfortable, too, if you want.” 

He took off his trousers and was left in a soft t-shirt and boxers. Slowly he laid down on the bed. She came up beside him and draped her arm across his chest and put one of her legs between his. He ran his hand comfortingly up and down her spine, and his other hand played with her curls. After several minutes, he could feel her heart rate accelerate and her humming with nervous energy. He prompted her with, “do you want to talk about it?”

She took a deep breath. “Just....this isn’t about you, it’s about me and I don’t want you to get angry or upset and then it’s about you. I understand if you need to process this at some point, but right now when I’m telling you about this I need it to be about me, okay?”

She looked up at him for the first time since they had stopped kissing at earlier. At her words, he was slightly hurt that she felt she even needed to ask that, but looking at her he realized this was just what she meant. She was clearly upset and deeply hurt by something, and she was needing to express the parameters that would make her feel safe sharing this. She wasn’t saying that she assumed he would make it about him, but communicating what she needed to feel safe. 

“Okay,” he said earnestly.

She leaned back down on his chest, took a deep breath and clung to him tightly. “During the war I was sexually assaulted.” She said it almost like she was reading from a script. Draco felt part of his body jolt at this, and moved to hold her more tightly, trying to physically convey that this was a safe space. “A snatcher when Harry, Ron and I were living in the woods. I just--I don’t--sometimes I can’t do things.” She said this last part very very quietly as though she was embarrassed to have said it. She took a deep breath to gather her courage and continued, “my body and emotions shut down and nothing is going to get inside of anything because I get so tense.” He wanted to say something to her, that the thought of doing anything she wasn’t enjoying made him physically ill, but he sensed that she needed to say more, to say most of this all at once. “And like I said it’s not about you. Ron didn’t understand that. I think he felt like he was doing something wrong or that I was scared of him and couldn’t understand why I felt how I did.” She looked up at him and said, “I need you to know right now that I feel so safe with you, Draco Malfoy. Physically and emotionally; I see what you do. I see how you go out of your way with my panic attacks and when I get frustrated that I’m not being heard. I do feel safe with you and this has nothing to do with that.” 

She settled back down on his chest and burrowed her head in his shoulder. “I just didn’t think we could...become more intimate if I didn’t talk to you about this and I’m sorry I know it’s a shitty thing to deal with.”

With everything she had just told him, it took him a moment to process the last thing she had said. “No.” he said. He slid one hand up to the back of her neck and encouraged her to look up at him again. “No, Hermione, this isn’t a defect. We all have scars. I’m sorry this horrible thing happened to you, but it’s not a shitty thing for me to deal with.” He struggled with how to convey that he didn’t want to pick and choose parts of her. “I love you, Hermione. Seriously. Sex for me isn’t just about...I don’t know...coming. Or sticking it in you” he said wryly and was pleased a ghost of a smile flitted across her face. “I just want to feel close with you, and a huge part of that is you feeling good.” 

She looked at him and her eyes started watering and gratitude shone from them. He cupped her cheek. “God, the bar is so fucking low for men if this is so touching for you,” he said. She let out a watery laugh and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth. They both knew this was just the very beginning of this conversation. That the scars all of them had weren’t a one time confession, they had to be addressed and thought and communicated about regularly. But this was a start.

Hermione pressed a kiss to his neck. “Goodnight, Draco.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment with your feedback/thoughts.


End file.
